| Moose Spread Palinesque:
1 dressed moose, 100 pounds of cooked potatoes, 10 kilos of cheap margarine, 5 liters of spicy Barbecue sauce, a large fork and plenty elbow oil.
Place the moose whole into a large pit, cover with hot stones and wait for a day or two while playing the ukulele. When cooked, flake it finely with a fork. Beat the mashed potato into the flaked moose until the mixture is smooth and creamy. Then beat in the margarine and barbecue sauce. Use as sandwich fillers. If you're not hungry procure yourself a few party balloons and fill them up with the mixture, add some grease and throw at will at WAPO shills at their annual barbecue.
Moose Broth Supreme:
1 moose, freshly killed from an Alaskan flying craft, cut and quartered; 20 kilos of carrots, 20 kilos of turnips, 20 kilos of brown onions, 40 liters of pure alcohol, 40 liters of still water, a shitload of salt & pepper to disguise the taste.
In a very, very large cast-iron pot throw in all the liquids and the unpeeled vegetables then the moose bits and cook till tender. Add salt & pepper, and make sure you're wearing pants that can glow in the dark! Serve in desert boots, add sweet paprika if desired. A good tune to go with that dish is "When I'm calling you, Rosemary, Rosemary..."
Chili Moose de Luxe:
This is a superior dish for corrupt hardened politicians and a sure winner at Hannity's summer bash: 100 kilos of moose mince (that can be done using a contraption similar to the one seen in the background of Ms Palin's Thanksgiving interview), 50 kilos cooked and refried kidney beans; 25 kilos fresh chilies, the hotter the better; 40 liters of tomato paste; 10 kilos of yellow moose fat; 1 single yellow onion and a very sturdy wooden spoon.
In a big stainless steel vat throw the moose fat, then the onion - watch it sink into the fat while you down a large glass of chilled Tequila - then the moose mince and cook furiously for 20 minutes. Add the tomato paste, the beans, the (whole) chilies and a little water so it doesn't stick too much and cook for a further 2 hours. Serve on giant toasts while watching a re-run of a moose hunt on Focked News (don't forget to save a portion for Rupert!)
Alaskan Moose Smoothie :
1 moose, dressed up in usual manner sans hair, 500 liters of plain vanilla ice-cream, 20 liters of Beano (optional).
This most healthy recipe can be done on the hoof, so to speak, using a rather strong blender. If a blender that can break moose bones can't be found use the local incinerator by placing the whole moose into a gurney for about 15 seconds. Take out immediately and place into a large cement vat. Look for about 10 wingnuts to smash the moose into pieces and blend in the vanilla ice-cream and the Beano (optional) to smooth it out. This is quite soothing and packs a punch!
For those who don't care about recipes use this equally effective repellent:
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